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MARRIED AT FIRST SIGHT AUSTRALIA SEASON 9 RECAPS:
Ep 1: Brent Is More Scared Of Cutlery Than Feet After Marrying Ballarat Paris Hilton
Ep 2: Two Objectively Hot People Refrain From Rooting For 90 Schlong Minutes
Ep 3: Holly Manifests A Deep South Daddy Who Will Make Her Procreation Dreams Cum True
Ep 4: Andrew’s Fucked Critique Of His & Holly’s Bone Sesh Is A Red Flag Bigger Than Texas
Ep 5: Bebé Al Gets Rejected By New Wife Sam After Whipping Out Eminem Lyrics In His Vows
Ep 6: Selin Sits Back To Enjoy The Daddy Roadkill After Throwing Anthony Under The Bus
Ep 7: Andrew Gives *Another* Sex Speech Before Riding Into The Sunset & Pls Don’t Come Back
Ep 8: Chances Are If You Say ‘I’m Not Racist’ In A Convo, You’re Probably Being Racist
Ep 9: The Experts Take Selin To Fkn Town For Her Behaviour & Good God It’s Satisfying
Ep 10: Fucc Week Has Commenced But The Doomed Couples Were Lucky To Make It To First Base
Ep 11: Holly Calls It Quits With Deep South Douche After His Latest Demotivating Speech
Ep 12: Deep South Douche Master Manipulates His Puppets Into Thinking Holly’s The Bad One
Ep 13: Holly Leaves After Deciding She Shan’t Put Herself Thru This Horseshit Any Longer
Ep 14: Our New Heterosexual Couples Present Zero Hope That This Experiment Will Get Better
Ep 15: Well It Was Fun Rooting For Our Final Couple For A Hot Minute, Wasn’t It?
Ep 16: Princess Bogan Goes Full Ham On Jess After Watching Her Deflate Daniel
Ep 17: Regular Daddy And Selin Finally Pull The Pin On Their Shit Heap Of A RelationshipEp 18: Baby Seal Becomes A Baby Demon With No Qualms Unleashing His Superiority Complex
Ep 19: Diva Sends Mr Moneybags Packing After Deciding Dan’s Gym Routine Is More Appealing
Ep 20: Diva Didn’t Even Need To Mention Daniel To Get Reamed For Being All-Round Turdy
Ep 21: Diva Is Torn A New One By The Couch Of Ouch Panel, Incl. Expert #4 Princess Bogan
Ep 22: Everyone Please Go Lie Down After Watching Whatever The Fuck It Was We Just Watched
Ep 23: Acrylics Are Out After The Great Glass Shattering Of 2022 Shocks The Girls
Ep 24: Olivia Serves Up Beef For Dinner Bc She Can’t Let The Glass-Breaking Sitch Go
Ep 25: Diva & Daniel Ask If They Can Pretty Please Be Part Of The Experiment They Shat On
Ep 26: Jack Makes It Out Alive After Dom’s Dad Takes Him On A Tour Of The Family Dungeon
Ep 27: Liv, If You Want To Root Someone With A Rig Then Learn To Accept Their Gym Routine
Ep 28: Liv Reaches Peak Petty After Orchestrating A Mass Slut-Shaming Of Princess Bogan
"Ok so I don’t even watch MAFS, I just read your recaps – literally the funniest writing in Australia right now."
"I have never been more compelled to fangirl over someone’s writing before."
"I’m going through the worst break-up of my life and in four weeks the only thing that’s made me laugh is your MAFS recaps."
"Clever, witty, sharp. Don’t stop!"
Ep 29: Liv Gets Teary After Being Told Her Poo-Poo Choices Boil Down To A Lack Of Empathy
Ep 30: Jackson Pleasantly Enjoys A 24-Hour Break From Olivia But She… Does Not
Ep 31: Ballarat Paris Hangs Shits On Brent For Being A Man With Moods & Working In Hospo
Ep 32: Baby Seal Objectifies Carolina To Piss Off Daniel & It’s Fkn Disgoostang To Witness
Ep 33: Liv’s Up To Her Old Demonic Tricks Again Even Tho She’d Rather Be Cuddling Jackson’s Balls
Ep 34: Brent Returns The Favour To Ballarat Paris, Shits On Her Existence For Final Vows
Ep 35: Two Couples Ride Off Into The Sunset But One Lemon Hubby Wants A Rain Check Pls
Ep 36: I Need Both Xanax & Cyanide After Watching The Chaotic Reunion Dinner Unfold
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